The Official University of Charmed Fanfiction
by Sempronia
Summary: Inattentive Charmed watchers, ressurected cast members, and one seriously oblivious Assistant Headmistress- the Power of Three needed help with this one. On hiatus. Read through and email me if you want to collaborate, so it can stay going!
1. Of Unfinished Chapters

**_Author's Note: Yah. Fanfiction Us were originally and generally Miss Cam's brilliant idea. They allow our beloved characters to punish their wrongdoers through our capable and willing hands. Praise her._** Oh-and I don't own these characters. I do own Brenna. And her friends. Unless she somehow becomes friends with a teacher. Then I don't own them. Well- yah.

Brenna Simms (a.k.a. Halliwell#5) was sitting at her computer . . .like she had been for the past three hours. It was getting late, but it was just that she really wanted to finish this last fic. She had been working on it for a few days, and had decided that it lacked romance. Finally, she was to the last, eye-opening sentences.

'Phoebe and Chris stood under the archway leading into the sun porch. "Your an empath. I thought you would have figured it out . . ." "I know, I know. But now that I have, it just feels like it was meant to –

Brenna never got to finish her sentence. She had become distracted by a single sheet of paper that had appeared before her in a swirl of white light. She looked around in a sense of 'I hope to God that I wasn't the only one to see that.' But she was, seeing as she was the only occupant of her dim, computer-lit room. Brenna glanced down hoping mostly that the paper might be gone. Not because she didn't want to see what it said, because she really did, but for the sake of her sanity. The paper was still there. She poked it hesitantly with her finger. It didn't do anything. Carefully wrapping her fingers around the top edges, she lifted up and read:

Congratulations! Welcome to the Official University of Charmed Fan Fiction. Unfortunately, we cannot allow you to finish your present project. It is icky. But, your writing's ickiness is not your doom. You may still earn a license that would permit you to continue writing 'Charmed' fan fiction. But only once you have taken, and passed the assigned courses at our University, may you achieve such a license. Please complete the application below as fully as possible so that we may specialize your accommodations.

("Specialize my accommodations?")

Name: Brenna Kay Simms

Age: 18

Magical Being? Whitelighter-witch

If you are a witch, please specify whether you are Good or Evil: Good

If you are a demon, please specify what type: n/a

If you are a faery, please specify if your powers come from Water, Air, Fire, or the Earth: n/a

If you are a mermaid, please specify whether you are freshwater or saltwater: n/a

Please state your preferred pairing: Chris-Phoebe

Please state a lust object, if any: Chris

Please state whether you have or have not ever written slash: Never

Brenna had only two thoughts. On one side of her mind, it said, 'It's always better to go along with your hallucinations. Fill it out.' On the other side, it told her 'I'm horrifyingly curious as to what should happen if I just . . .' She vaguely felt her left hand reaching for a pen, and starting to write. As Brenna finished filling out the hallucinatory application, it disappeared in the same swirling white orbs that it had arrived in. She blinked for a moment while her eyes adjusted to the once again stark lighting in her dorm, then, with an over-whelming sense of surprise (mostly because she had taken Stay Awake before writing), began to feel tired. Brenna lazily glanced over to her bed. Feeling she didn't have the strength to get up, she tilted back in her chair, put out a hand, and tried to will the bed closer. Brenna tipped over; though, she was out before she hit the ground. So she couldn't see herself being gradually surrounded by the white orbs that had accompanied, and taken away her application. She vanished in much the same way.

Piper, right hand on hip, was standing on the new stone steps of the University, and reading the application of one of the latest arrivals. Pursing her lips, she called for the aforementioned empath; "Phoebe!" The other Charmed One poked her head out of the large double-doors, and into the sunlight.

"Look what we have here." Phoebe came outside swinging her arms- that was until she read what her sister was offering her. "Another one that believes you and Chris are meant to be together." Phoebe scrunched her face. "Isn't there a class for this?" Piper asked. Her sister high- heeled her way back up the steps in disgust;

"There's gonna be."

Brenna felt herself lying on soft grass. Glancing up from her sprawled position, she realized that the sun was up, and that she was not the only one in this strange situation. Well, only _human_, that is. Several feet away, there was what appeared to be a mermaid struggling to flip herself over.

"Do you need some help?" Brenna aimed at the mermaid (she was still overcoming her grogginess from what she expected was Tylenol PM _mistaken_ for Stay Awake). The mermaid (whom Brenna now noticed had neon blue hair) looked over at her, and seeming to struggle with herself, nodded her head 'yes'. Brenna, still unable to stand properly, crawled her way over to her. Managing to get to her knees, she heaved the girl up so that she sat with both hands behind her. The mermaid brushed some of her blue hair out of her eyes.

"I'm Rosewitch." She said, shifting her weight so she could shake hands. Brenna took a seat beside her, and complied.

"Brenna." She looked around at their surroundings. About a hundred yards away, and directly in front of them, was what seemed to be a university. Judging by appearance alone, it had to be centuries old, and judging by the influx of young people on its lawn, it had to be move- in day. Though, looking around further, she noticed that none were standing; well, able to stand.

They watched as people materialized glowingly, a few feet apart from each other, and fell into various crumpled heaps on the ground. A vague snoring sound could be heard throughout the campus.

"Where are we?"

Inside the staff section of OUCF, the late-risers were adjusting to their new responsibilities.

A young man looked up from his position at a circular table, situated in the middle of the room. "Are you sure these are filled out right?" he asked the man sitting on his left. The man ran a hand through his dark hair. He glanced up,

"Why?"

"Because some of these have Phoebe and I down as a couple." His table partner let his mouth drop slightly open as he reached for the application that was held up. His eyes went straight to the problem area.

"Ah. Another one of _those _people," he said, raising his eyebrows and handing the form back. "Sort of an 'ignorance is bliss' time of thing." going back to his pile of papers, he mumbled: "Don't see why they can't write about me and Phoebe."

A woman made her way into the room and over to the teapot. She gave off an 'I just fell out of bed, and haven't yet realized I'm still in my pajamas' type of air. Flipping light brown hair out of her eyes, she reached up into the cupboard for a teacup.

"Nem. I see you're up." The man said. Nemue looked back at the table, still reaching for a cup.

"You know, I've noticed that to." She said. Her shortness triumphing, she let her arm drop, and looked around at floor level. "Anyone see a stool?" The younger man looked up again,

"Over by the sink." He made a note on one of his papers as Nem pulled the step- stool over to the counter. "The rest of you know I'm Piper's son, right?" Nem turned around for a moment, blinking her eyes.

"Um . . . yes."

"Just checking."

Nem held her newly acquired teacup and pushed the stool away with her foot. "Are you the only ones up, yet?" she asked. She pulled the teabag jar over.

"Mom and Phoebe are out with the students, and Darrell is off securing the perimeter."

"Excuse me?" Nem sputtered over her Cup o' Tea ('Irish Tea- now with ten times the caffeine').

"He said he wanted to. Looking for Chris fangirls." Chris clarified, "Wants to make it up to me." He narrowed his eyes.

"Right." She nodded her head. "And Paige?"

"She's setting crystals around The Section." Cole answered That's right- he's resurrected and checking applications.

"And Wyatt is ?"

"Being watched by the elf."

"Oh! And mini- Chris?"

"With Wyatt." Cole shot Nem a quick glance.

"I'm only a little paranoid." She said, waving a hand. Nem let her gaze wander up to the ceiling. "Was that always there?" The other occupants of the Staff Section looked up to see twinkling lights stretched out above them. "Oh. Faery magic." Cole shifted back to his forms.

"Well, I feel safer."

"I should be making my rounds, checking things out," Nem set down her cup, and headed back upstairs to her Loft of Peace/Naps. She clenched her fists, "Greeting the students."

Brenna and Rosewitch had been sitting on the ground for a rather long time. Rose, as she had asked to be called, was most responsible for this, because, she did not, in fact, have legs to walk around on; though, the other factor of not knowing where to go did hinder the would- be expedition. Many other people seemed to have the same mind frame, and were sitting where they had fallen. Brenna got to her feet and flexed her leg muscles; she had decided to go figure out where the heck they were, and if at all possible, find someone in charge. She made her way through various groups and piles of people, trying to see if she could find some semblance of where she was. After turning left at a large oak tree, Brenna found herself at the entrance to a building sporting a banner baring the message "Welcome OUCF Students and Staff". Had she been paying attention, she would have noticed she was standing in front of the entrance hall. It was for this reason that while puzzling the sign, she was run into by a short woman in a black suit- who just kept going as Brenna slowly returned to her senses. She chased after her as they went down the stone steps.

"Hey- wait!" the woman, still going down the steps, spared Brenna a quick glance back. She finally caught up with her as they were to the last five stairs. "Wait- wait," she panted, "Where are we?"

The woman stopped and smoothed her blazer and pants. "I was just going to clarify that now," she said. "Can you see my shoes?" Brenna looked down at the pants that completely covered the woman's feet.

"Ummm . . ."

"Good." The woman turned to face the lawn full of recovering students. "Could you move down, please?" Brenna stepped down into the grass. "Thank- you." The woman said shortly. She clasped her hands in front of her. "Excuse me! Hey, person on steps, here!" People looked up from their varying states of disorientation. "Alright. Welcome to the Official University of Charmed Fanfiction." Various blinking fits irrupted from the crowd. She continued. "You're here because you filled out the applications you received either last night or the night before, and because you write, and- or wrote, Bad- Fanfiction." She paused here, raising her eyebrows as if waiting for an answer. Vague snoring was heard. "Which you would have known, had you actually _read _the form. Moving on. You will be here until you complete your assigned list of classes. And you MUST pass if you are to continue writing fanfiction; when passed, you will be granted a license at the end of the school year." The woman stopped for a moment and searched for what else needed to be said. She glanced over at the writers, many of which did not seem to be able to stand on their own. She grimaced as if she had forgotten something. "Ah- yes. Instructors specializing in their fields will teach your classes. You may only address them as Mr., Miss, Ms., or Your Eminence. You will call me Miss Nemue, or if your need to shorten things overcomes you, Miss Nem. I am your Assistant Headmistress. You may follow me into the entrance hall." Nem turned and started to make her way back up the steps; Brenna raced back up to follow her.

"Miss Nem, my friend's a mermaid. She can't exactly stand on her own . . ." Nem stopped and gave a quick nod of her head.

"Ah, yes. We'll have to fix that. Leo." She called. A moment later the whitelighter himself appeared in a swirl of blue light. "Can you get Phoebe working on the mermaid problem?" Leo gave a slight grimace.

"Actually, I haven't been able to find her. She's completely off my radar. I think she was upset with some of the decisions the students made on their forms- Excuse me?" He and Nem looked over at Brenna, who had since moved next to Leo, and proceeded to poke his arm. The campus was filled with silence as the other students realized that one of their number had touched a beloved character.

"Wha- huh?" Brenna said. She abruptly pulled her finger away. Nem took out a small planner that she should have had no way of fitting into her coat. Obtaining a pen from her pocket, she flipped to a blank page, and proceeded to write something.

"Miss Simms, I presume?"

"Yes?" Brenna felt doom creeping in at her from every angle; while having accomplished one of her goals in life, she had landed herself in what we call a bad situation.

"I can assure you all the staff here are, in fact, real. But I must ask you not to touch them."

"Oh. Ah- huh." Nem closed her book and returned it to the unknown pocket as Leo orbed out of sight. Brenna watched as Miss Nem walked into the building. Regaining her senses once more, she called to her: "My friend!" Nem continued on her way. Brenna followed.

Brenna stepped inside the building. She was not prepared for what she saw.

"Whoa." Her gaze traveled around an immense, mahogany, greeting hall slowly filling up with students. Ornate carvings surrounded a large stone fireplace that, upon closer inspection, was found to have a great cauldron inside it. Nem turned around and smiled at Brenna.

"Your friend will be fine, take a seat and adjust." Brenna wasn't exactly sure if the cause for that grin was sympathy or malice, but she took the assistant headmistress's advice and followed the paneling to an adjacent room of long, wooden tables. Sitting at one of the tables was Rosewitch, already waiting for her. She looked slightly surprised. Brenna sat down.

"I saw you! I saw you! You touched him! You touched Leo!" Rose flapped her hands in excitement. Brenna snapped back to the earlier experience. Black planner.

"I think I'm on some sort of death list."


	2. Quickly Written, Yet To the Point

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Only Nem. And the Geps. R.I.P. Aaron Spelling.**

Chapter Duo: And There Was Silence

As the students settled into their seats, the staff made their way to the front of the room. Coming through the doors to the right was Paige followed closely by a grimacing Piper, who was shortly followed herself by a large group of hooded Elders that quickly made their way in front of the slightly perturbed-looking youngest sister to the front of the line. After the Elders, a clan of dwarves (preceding a few leprechauns) took their seats to the left of an empty chair beside Piper. Quickly forgotten was this procession, due to the arrival of a young male and a rather large number of suited men with earpieces.

Silence prevailed.

Brenna dropped the apple that she had absently been gnawing on. "No …wait, yeah. Can't, no touch, on list …" At this point, her mind shut down in its entirety and Brenna was left to her own decisions- which she made, of course, with no thought. It seemed she was not alone in her choice, as nearly every other college age woman in the room pushed away their chairs and prepared to stampede the resurrected Halliwell. However, as the hoard advanced, they came to notice that they were being met with no resistance. This changed as the one thing they _hadn't_ noticed happened. The guards had each reached into their jackets and withdrawn white crystals, which they placed simultaneously in a circle around their charge and themselves.

As the magical barrier forced the fans out of their momentum and onto the floor (often several meters from where they had stopped), Leo appeared with the assistant headmistress by his side. They quietly slid into their respective chairs and waited for the commotion to subside. Piper leaned to the side,

"Where's Phoebe?"

Leo took a breath, "Ah- I found her …"

"Well, who worked the mermaid spell then?"

He looked guilty. "Paige …But don't worry, she just needed some more …time." At the conclusion of the whitelighter's sentence, the last component of the Power of Three crept into the room and over to her seat. Adjusting her glasses and smoothing out her pants, she settled in beside Paige.

"Where have you been?" she whispered huffily. A malicious smile spread on Phoebe's face.

"Oh- just- straightening things out." She twittered. Piper moved slightly out of her seat and swatted at her sisters to stand up. Flicking her hair off her shoulder, the eldest Halliwell composed herself.

"Hello," she began as the last of the stunned students resumed their seats. Looking somewhat forlorn, they paid reluctant attention to the speaker. "Yes. Well- now that we've collected ourselves, it's time to lay out the rulebook." She grinned. Nem shifted in her chair. "As students in this institution, _our_ institution, you are here to learn-and _retain_ …" Piper lingered on the last word. "…the information you are instructed upon."

"Namely the correct use of yours truly." Paige put in. Phoebe tilted her head towards her sister.

"Yours-es."

"Ah-huh." Piper twitched her head.

"Your course selections and schedule are in front of you." Leo said.

"Mm …yes!" Phoebe piped up. "No need to worry about your classes."

"'Cause we already picked them for you." Paige finished deviously, narrowing her eyes.

Brenna looked down at the paper in front of her. Ignoring the fact that it had not been there when she had sat down, she glanced at her list of classes. Rose leaned over to see Brenna's schedule.

"I have… Literary … Ignorance _101_?" Brenna asked in disbelief. " And- 202 next." She looked up in exasperation. "What?"

"Some of these classes might not be to you liking," Phoebe continued, "But they do fit your needs."

"Which would be _our_ needs." Said Paige.

"We need you to fully understand our …universe- before you can write about it ….responsibly." Finished Leo.

"And without incest." Phoebe pointed out bluntly.

And there was silence.

While the room paused to briefly reflect upon this statement, Nem leaned over on her side of the staff table and softly clapped.

Brenna forced a glance back down to her schedule. She ran her finger down the list, vaguely paying attention to 'R.E.A.L. Incantations', 'Magical Beings and You', 'Mermaid or Not: An introductory course to distinguishing similar mythical figures and their traits', 'Family Relations '97-: The Halliwell family tree', 'Demons and Divas 202', and 'Past Lives, People, Places and Oregano' an in-depth study of the kitchen smarts of time travel. She stopped at the very end of the list at a class labeled 'To Be, or Not to Be: The former Source speaks out from beyond the grave'.

"Only the first semester and they're trying to kill us." Said Rose. "I've heard of this before. Hallucinations lashing out after ignoring them for awhile." Brenna looked at her friend.

"You've had them before?" she asked uncertainly, "When?"

"Oh, around." She said nonchalantly. "Like when I wrote this one fanfic about Cole coming back. 'Said I shouldn't mess with someone else's relationship. _That_ time an Elder visited my dorm."

"You do know that this isn't a hallucination, right."

"Oh! Damn."

"Why?" Brenna was unsure if she even wanted to know.

"Ah …nothing. I'm just gonna go back to my room. Ha-ha. Number's on the sheet." She walked off, gathering speed as she ducked behind the backs of students eating their dinner. The speeches had finished by now, Brenna guessed. Sure that she would regret missing that last part of the introduction, she turned back to a plate of chicken that materialized in front of her.

"Funny- that's exactly what I wanted."

The green- eyed cat stared up at Phoebe longingly. She bent down and stroked it some. Soon, though, the petting had gotten out of control, and the witch was standing snuggling it under her chin—

"Gep-py poo!" She cooed. The Persian purred happily as the air was loved out of its lungs.

"PHOEBE!" Paige shouted, coming into the hallway. She shuffled as fast as she could across the room to her sister in her slippers. It was dawn and the gloom of the morning's cloud cover hadn't vanished yet. The young woman pulled the cat from Phoebe's arms as she struggled to hold on. "Ugh."

Paige held the cat protectively away from her sister. "Ah-uh-uh." She put both hands beneath her face and gave a forlorn look.

"Ohhh."

"No." Paige shot back shortly. "Phoebe—this is …"

"A Gep."

"Correct. Good job. And though irresistible to normal students, you as a witch and facilitator of these hallowed halls cannot give in to its abilities."

"Oh, but it's so cute …"

"Yes, but its cuddly capabilities' sole purpose is to charm the wits out of nasty, nasty children." The witch snapped out of her stupor as a lone student made her way down the hall. "Go get 'em." Paige urged. The cat pounced expectantly after its prey.

"Ah …Page, she's a crafty one."

"How many do we have, now?"

"About ten …trust me, there'll be more." Paige was, of course, referring to the many Geps (Green- eyed Persians, the incorrect form of Kit. There were also Beps- Blue- eyed Persians, yet the wrong spelling and or color- and Breps –Brown- eyed versions of Beps) inhabiting the school: Page, Payge, Paig, Pag, Pheobe, Phebe, Pheby, Fhoebe, Fheobe, and Pipper. These were not 'mini', but were entirely new creations, stemming from authors' versions of the sisters' pet cat, Kit. Their sole purpose, as Paige had mentioned, was to completely charm unknowing students for their own, devious uses. They might also charm the staff, but only in a loving, brainwashing, 'Get- Me- Some- Purina Cat Chow' kind of way.

The university was at it's most active in the early morning hours. This was because the students, still adjusting to the time difference (Pacific Standard), were almost completely_ inactive_. The staff took this time to work for their advantage, checking security precautions, locked doors, dormitories, and supply closets.

The average supply closet was stocked not only with the usual magical implements, but with many of Darrel's security devices. Although non-magical, these were formidable. He had already caught Sapphy Sapphire, whose name's originality was admired by all, trying to break into—of all places—the (former) Source's bedcave. The device was, of course, backed up some by magical means, and Sapphy left the nurses' office with not only an electrical burn, but a few quartz chards in significant places as well.

The smarter pupils, of which there were some, had naturally tried to search for the obvious places, and had found just general locked doors in their way. Thinking that Chris's room was only padlocked due to the lax security of the first night in school, the girls of the group quickly picked the lock and were automatically met with a firewall.

They realized immediately that they were facing a more clever foe than previously thought.

Brenna awakened in dormitory 703, the digital clock blinking 9:50 at her from the bedside table. She sat up in the bed, believing for a brief, happy moment that she was back in New England after one of the weirdest, Tylenol- induced hallucinations known to man. But the mermaid tail seen flapping through a crack in the bathroom door told otherwise.

Brenna got up and walked over to the dressing table on her side of the room. Scrunching her curly brown hair in one hand, she leaned back and opened the shutters of the nearby window. A great expanse of green lawn stared back at her, the green dragon situated on it staring back as well. A faerie flitted past the glass at random.

It might be nice here. Dragons, faeries, sunlight. It could be good. I have the feeling that it wouldn't be good to be late for anything that Phoebe teaches, though. Touchy, touchy witch, that one. Maybe I should catch up on some shows- borrow someone's DVDs. Gonna have tuh' get them illegally, though.

After choosing some green number and a pair of oddly stylish (she thought so- never too early to impress Christopher, being the same age and all) blue jeans, she grabbed her room key and schedule, and headed out into the bustling atmosphere of OUCF. It seemed that she and the other students were all set to attend an orientation that morning at 10 o'clock.

Presenters: Assistant Headmistress Miss Nemue Corcoran 

_Miss Phoebe Halliwell_

_Miss Paige Matthews Featured_

_Ms. Piper Halliwell Featured_

she read,

_Directionary Instruction on University Life and Survival_

Seeing a gradual stream of fellow students going to an outer venue, Brenna followed. A large, stage-like platform had been erected overnight to accommodate the women, all of whom were pacing to and fro in the center awaiting the arrival of their many charges. She picked out Miss Nem, clad today in a white version of last night's outfit. Nem looked frazzled. Her short, hazelnut hair was whipped clumsily into a claw-clip the size of what Brenna deemed Nebraska.

_Time difference wasn't just for students_, Brenna thought. The sisters seemed more pulled together, though they seemed to all be in some variation of the same sweat suit. Brenna settled into a lawn chair next to an oversized faerie with sparkly gold wings. As the whole of the student body finished moving into either of the two groups of chairs set up, the speakers stopped their nervousness and came to the front of the stage.

Up on the stage, however, nervousness was not the problem. A lack of organization was.

Nem thought vaguely of her cozy apartment sitting empty back east. She cursed San Francisco.

The murmuring of the student body continued. Phoebe stepped forward, her hands clasped behind her back. "Students?"

There was silence. It seemed the rest of the pupils had the same view of messing with Phoebe that Brenna had.

"Thank-you. Now—today is your official orientation to our little educational facility. Though I myself did not favor this type of situation when I was in your place, now that I have survived along with my sister, here," Paige waved. "—I know the possibilities that come with …mentoring … a class."

The students' eyes grew wide. Possibilities? They shivered in their lawn chairs.

"To begin with, we realize that we cannot keep you from using magic on each other. However, I will add that if you do, you will have detention. Just like high school."

Piper stepped forward. "And if you _attempt_ to use any magic whatsoever on _us_, you will get detention. Just like high school."

Paige came close to the edge of the stage. "Plus, if you try to use any magic outside of the school, you will have detention. Just like high school." Cole spoke up from his position at the back of the stage.

"And if any of you try to "romance" any one of us for your own purposes, magic or otherwise, you will punished in whichever way the dungeon wizard sees fit according to our suggestions…just like in high school."

"Okay-thank-you." Said Phoebe. "Now that the basics are covered—relatively speaking—we're going to split you into your respective sub-species, so that you can get used to your specific set of abilities.

"Now, witches over here; demons over here, way over here, thank-you; whitelighters here; magical creatures here; and witch/whitelighters over here. Now, get used to each other." Cheerfully, or at least with a smile, she jumped off the platform and went to her group of students.

The students hesitated—yet only briefly, for they feared what had been foreshadowed would come to pass. Uncommonly perceptive for their kind, they were justified.


	3. Love Thy Neighbor

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Just Nem. And Bren. That's them … 

Chapter Three: Love Thy Neighbor

Brenna had certain expectations as to what life would be. Certain ideas pertaining to what that would be the ultimate outcome of her existence. She assumed there would be a reward, time served.

Her life would be a series of fascinating pan-lefts and zooms that would eventually culminate in a stylish montage of professional photography layered over slightly down-tempo, new age, rock music.

Quickly, this delusion dissipated into the increasingly painful realization that she was not at all destined for greatness. Or even a cool documentary.

The orientation had twisted fatally into a never-ending succession of "learning activities" such as "what to do when you do not manage to orb your entire body out of a situation. Any volunteers?"

Brenna herself had escaped with little more than a few strands of hair gone. She hoped Chris wouldn't notice. But Bella's leg had been missing for just about a week. The hospital wing was crowded with students waiting while the whitelighter/witches tried to scry for their limbs. Even the staff seemed abashed at how little the students were able to cope with. Their writers were not the stuff that good fanfiction was made of.

The staff was beginning to doubt its decision that the students were suited for the grades of magic bestowed upon them. After all, they had only been there a week and body parts were absent from their cavities.

They sat in the dining hall, heads leaning in conspiratorially as they tried to remedy the admitted mistake.

"Well, no one has ever accused us of being the greatest at using magic; or, giving it out." Piper said. "Maybe the best thing to do is to let the students learn by experience. That's how we did it."

Chris grimaced as he put his hand on the table. The bandage covering up the gaping wound that remained after he forcibly removed his hand from a girl named Kristen's. She had cast a binding spell of a …different kind. "Yeah…but you weren't hormonal teenagers."

"You're right."

The instructors looked out into the sea of girls inhabiting each and every one of the long, plank tables. The girls looked back blankly.

"You know, maybe we just have to instill some sense of duty," Paige suggested. "Teach them some empathy towards fellow creatures. Some responsibility."

"I know empathy," said Phoebe. "I think I know just the thing."

The next morning, the students were gathered in the lower chambers of the school, awaiting what they expected to be another painful seminar. Brenna wondered where Rose was. She had a habit of disappearing at inopportune moments. The again, so did the characters.

Through the network of Chris-lovers, which was now an established group that had taken to calling itself the Blues after the rather angelic color of their lust-object's eyes, she knew that he had not been seen for the better part of a day.

Distressing.

She was shaken out of her daze by the appearance of the youngest Halliwell sister, who seemed to be the major coordinator in most of the university's activities.

Paige walked to the front of the small room. For the first time Brenna noticed that the floor was covered with what looked like…grass.

"Okay. Now, my sisters and I have seen some…problems, lately. Specifically the ignorance of you guys for the rules. Therefore, we have decided to do something about it.

Naturally."

Piper strode into the room, pushing what looked to Brenna like a unicorn. "It's funny the choice of word," she laughed, "that my sister had there. Because, nature is what we're gonna get you closer to. You see, it's important to learn how to care for and nurture others. It is a very important part of being a witch. You must care. And not blow each other up every two minutes." She patted the magical horses flank. "Now, some of you—namely the bunch of you that is standing closest to me, are going to take care of these guys." As she talked, more unicorns materialized behind her.

From somewhere in the conflux came the whisper that they 'could "take care" of Chris.'

"—And the others will oversee some different things."

The students felt a wave of maliciousness waft over the crowd.

"You see," Piper began again. "Some of you have been less caring than others, and so will need a slightly more varied type of education. If you follow me.."

She walked into an adjoining room, the students shuffling not far behind. They were met with the foreboding site of ten claw-footed bathtubs, each containing a mermaid. Rosewitch waved to Brenna from a nearby tub. She waved back blearily.

"A certain chosen few of you will get the honor of scrubbing your more aquatically inclined classmates tailfins. It's kind of hard to do that themselves." She paused, letting the horror of the impending task sink its teeth into the onlookers. "Leo!"

With a collective jump the gathering watched as the whitelighter and the last sister orbed into the chamber. "Hi guys," said Phoebe. With a motion of her hand she directed the group to come with her to yet chamber, where they were instructed to look up towards the ceiling.

For once, they breathed freely. But only once.

"The rest of you, will collect fairie dust."

"Oh! With this!" Phoebe chimed, holding aloft a flyswatter-sized butterfly net. "You wouldn't want to hurt the little guys."

Brenna could have sworn she heard tiny, tinkling laughter come from overhead.


End file.
